Dear Kianna: What are the best dating tips for Catholics? — Single Searcher
Dear Searcher: Have you ever heard the expression “Don’t date just to date”? My parents would often remind me of this message as they spoke about the beauty of dating, not as a random act or way to pass the time but as a way to truly discern the calling to marriage. Dating has a central goal and end mission, so how can someone maximize their dating experience to best discern God’s plan in their life?
As someone who is newly married, I remember my dating experience vividly! I’d like to share a few of my best dating tips.
• Ask yourself: Can I see marrying this person? If you have just begun dating, you might not know enough about the person to answer yes, so time will help with this. But if you answer no because of some red flags or other issues, this may not be a relationship you want to pursue. Continue asking yourself this question, as it will help you stay aligned with the purpose of dating as leading to marriage. Until I met my future husband, asking this question in relationships helped me discern that those relationships were not ones that I wanted to continue pursuing because they didn’t align with my end goal.
• Determine the qualities in a spouse that are most important to you. When I met my husband, I was immediately drawn to many of his core qualities, including his personal relationship with the Lord and steadfast faith, his kind and compassionate heart, his deep ability to love others — not to mention, a wonderful sense of humor and contagious smile! I knew right away that I could envision myself marrying this man and loving the Lord with and through him. This desire only deepened as our relationship grew.
• Focus on spending quality time with each other by engaging in life-giving activities. Faith is so central to my husband and me, so we invited the Lord into our dating life, which included daily prayer together (either in person or on the phone), visits with Jesus in adoration, going to Mass together and volunteering. Bringing the Lord into the center of your relationship will allow you to grow in discernment, and it will strengthen your union as a couple. Most of our time dating was spent doing activities that we love, including running, hiking, hanging out with our family and friends, movie nights, getting ice cream and going to the beach. Put your phones away and focus on having a blast together, which will give your friendship and love time to blossom.
• Keep everything in prayer. My husband and I continue to ask for the intercession of Jesus, Mother Mary and St. Joseph to lead, guide and protect our relationship. They have been with us through all of our joys and challenges, allowing us to grow as individuals and as a couple.
Trust in the Lord; he will lead!
Kianna Romo teaches theology at Archbishop Murphy High School and is the author of “The Cross that Set Me Free.” Send your questions for her to [email protected].